№ 70: The Disappearance of The Great Good Place

Finding Community - Ray Oldenburg's Third Place - Revolutions

We are a social species, but it seems as though we’ve lost a sense of community in the 21st century. 

Tight-knit communities (this includes extended family households and neighbourhoods) have become less common as the demands of work drain our time and energy — making it difficult to maintain relationships. 

Whilst the Internet offers immense opportunities, such as enabling us to connect through shared interest with people from diverse backgrounds in distant corners of the world or catch up with loved ones over FaceTime, beneath the surface lies its disappointing reality — the Internet often fails to satiate our need for genuine human interaction and connection.

In his book The Great Good Place, American sociologist Ray Oldenburg introduces a compelling idea for us to live a fulfilling existence — The Third Place. 

“So, what is the third place?”

It’s an inclusive social space that provides an anchor for community life and facilitates meaningful interactions. Typically, people refer to cafes, pubs, stoops, and parks when thinking of examples of third places, but of course, not all of these capture the magic of a third place. 

There are eight characteristics that contribute to the distinct appeal of a third place, these are:  

1. The third place lies on neutral ground. No one is expected to host. No one is obligated to be there. But people are free to come and go as they please. A third place is a space where people can just be. It exists for fraternisation in a safe public setting that can’t be found in the privacy of the home or the professional boundary of the workplace. It’s a space where a variety of relationships can blossom, including the ones that don’t go any deeper than a friendly hello. 

2. The third place is a levelling place. It requires no formal criteria for membership. There’s no emphasis on social status, and it allows the possibility for people of different backgrounds to find friendships with those they may have never crossed paths. 

3. The third place is a place in which conversation is the main activity. It doesn’t have to be the only activity; for example, card games, pool or backgammon make for a great social lubricant. However, the space should be comfortable enough to facilitate engaging conversations. It’s not difficult to create a space that can facilitate good conversation, but the flow of good conversation is fragile in nature. It can be ruined by “Mechanical or electronic gadgetry can also kill good vibes,” (Oldenburg said this in 1989); People who try to dominate conversations; Even the most soothing music, if played too loudly.

4. The third place needs to be readily accessible. It needs to be in a convenient location and open whenever the demons of loneliness or the sloths of boredom strike. Or when the pressures and frustrations of the day call for relaxation amid good company.

5. The third place is given its appeal by its regulars. They help set the mood of the space and provide a welcoming environment for newcomers. Every regular was once a newcomer, and the acceptance of newcomers is essential to the sustained vitality of the third place.

6. The third place keeps a low profile. They’re not excessive, extravagant, or pretentious. They’re not openly advertised. They’re rather modest, both in their design and in the apparel of their regulars. They’re not meant to be tourist attractions. 

7. The third place has a playful mood. People go to third places for the banter and the laughter, not tension and hostility, so that’s what the space is set up to encourage. 

8. The third place is a home away from home. Offering a sense of intimacy, regeneration, and community that puts people at ease in a warm and friendly atmosphere. 

Third places can be rewarding because they introduce novelty into our lives, which is lacking under the drudgerous working and living conditions of modern-day capitalism. With a diverse population, free-flowing structure, and fluid attendance, third places offer an enriching source of social stimulation that exists almost in a world of its own. 

Crucially, third places facilitate the benefits of what Oldenburg calls “friends by the set.” Third places provide convenient gathering spaces for socialising and offer routine and reliable interactions with a broad array of people, both casual and intimate, without the burden of checking your calendar and scheduling a catch-up.

Last year, I found my third place — the bouldering gym. It offers a range of benefits that delight and sustain both the individual climber and the community. Visiting my third place frequently has given me a sense of perspective in a world that can be otherwise frustrating to my emotional well-being because it offers a treatment of association and laughter. In fact, I see my third place as a spiritual tonic — capable of uplifting my spirits from daily entrepreneurial frustrations and giving me the freedom to explore the creative and expressive aspects of my personality. 

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Viva la Revolución 

With all the benefits that third places bring to individuals, groups, and communities, it’s no surprise that they have been a powerful force in shaping revolutions and cultural movements. 

During the American Revolution, the tavern was a vital hub for political discourse where patriots, politicians, and ordinary folk would gather to discuss their disdain for the British Empire. They’d plan their resistance strategies and spread propaganda, ultimately leading to the independence of the USA. 

During the Enlightenment Era, the cafés and salons were crucial meeting places for the revolutionary intelligentsia. Radical ideas were debated and disseminated to the common people to inspire the rise of the French Republic. Similarly, the coffeehouses in London cultivated the intellectual and cultural transformation of society, as scholars, scientists, writers, and artists met and exchanged ideas on science, philosophy, politics, and literature. 

Reading of Voltaire's tragedy, Orphan of China, in the salon of Marie Thérèse Rodet Geoffrin in 1755, by Lemonnier, c. 1812

In each of these historical movements, third places played a transformative role in fostering social cohesion, nurturing intellectual discourse, and giving rise to revolutionary movements that shaped the course of history. 

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The Fall of the Third Place

Unfortunately, third places have faded away.

According to Oldenburg, suburbs are primarily to blame for this. Suburbs neglect public spaces in favour of larger private homes, inadvertently teaching us that the good life exists only within the limits of one’s house. It’s also hard to locate a sense of community in these homes created by distant housing developers as they’re incentivised to maximise profit instead of cultivating community.

Dense urban cities play a part in the decline too. They have resulted in the loss of vibrant neighbourhoods with active community spaces. Many of our urban environments have been designed to prioritise efficiency and profit. It’s all become standardised and homogenised, lacking the character and imagination to encourage people to gather and mingle.

I would further add to Oldenburg’s theory that today’s tech hasn’t facilitated the survival of third places either. There’s no denying that tech makes life more efficient: we can send a message to someone on the other side of the world in seconds. But this never-ending pursuit of efficiency is obliterating the role of serendipity. Take, for example, Google Maps. The app shows you how to get from point A to point B in the quickest and most efficient way possible, but in optimising for speed and efficiency, we are less likely to find informal gathering places on our walk.

Having the Internet at our fingertips has made it an easy substitute for real-life social interaction, encouraging people to stay home and watch Netflix rather than seek out communal spaces.

But I get it; the Internet is cheap, and in this cost of living crisis, with diminishing alternatives for leisure without spending money, I can understand why people would want to stay home and save money instead. And in cities like London, money evaporates even faster — Every time I step outside, I lose £10.00 just breathing. No matter how affordable a cafe or bar may be, not everyone can sustain spending money whenever they want to socialise. 

Is capitalism to blame for the fall of third places and the rising sea of city mediocrity? As a pro-capitalist, I can see it’s responsible for the work-life imbalance that leaves folks with limited time and energy to engage in social activities outside of work. Capitalism has led to the ever-expanding commercialisation of our lives, the privatisation of public spaces, the gentrification of neighbourhoods, and the profit-maximisation-seeking design choices that lead to sterile, homogenising and lifeless urban environments.

Source: The Age of Average by Alex Murrell

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The Virtual Third Place

The loss of third places has been detrimental to humans. 

Yet, some have suggested that virtual spaces – such as communities on Discord, Circle, and Twitter/X – can replace the physical third place.

While I can see how virtual spaces fit the characteristics of third places, I disagree. Virtual third places lack the tangible aspects present in physical spaces that are necessary for developing deeper emotional connection and empathy. 

Online interactions often lack the authenticity, intentionality and nuance found in real-life exchanges because it’s all too easy to misunderstand, unintentionally or otherwise — Just take a look at Twitter/X.

The permanence of the Internet can be another barrier to the easy-going vulnerability found in face-to-face interactions, as everything is recorded.

But despite my criticisms, I’m not blind to the benefits of so-called virtual third places. I’m in a few myself: Foster.co and Small Bets. Virtual third places are more accessible than IRL places for the immunocompromised or disabled. They break geographical barriers, bringing people together across diverse backgrounds and locations with shared interests, passions, and identities to connect and engage. Unlike real-life third places, virtual third places are available 24/7 — accommodating each user’s lifestyle and pace. 

However, virtual third places shouldn’t replace physical third places but used in tandem with physical third places for maximum life satisfaction.

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After reaping the benefits of a third place, I would love to see more of them.

I love the idea of owning a not-for-profit third place. It’d be like a library lounge of sorts, where the necessities must include books, great coffee, comfy sofas, a cosy lo-fi atmosphere and a place to share creative work.

It’ll be a place where people come to decompress, ease loneliness, cultivate lifelong friendships, and add colour to our lives.

After all, third places are not a place of taking—they are a place of sharing.

— Jason Vu Nguyen